i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
