he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
MIDGETS
????
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
