I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
