You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
