Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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