I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
time to smoke my breakfast
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need water and some morals
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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