Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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