you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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