we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
