3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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