how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I smell stomach acid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
