Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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