So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
