He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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