If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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