sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
