i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
