I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
