Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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