I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
