I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
