cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
