Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
why is half of my head shaved?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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