I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
