I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
