smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
