all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
