if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
True but thats because hes a fetus.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
