it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
