I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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