It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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