i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
