LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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