Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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