when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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