Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
