He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
