I'm laying in your front yard are you home
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
