Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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