That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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