Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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