I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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