you didnt know i had herpes?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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