so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
