Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
