God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
