I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
