Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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