Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
