wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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