Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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