i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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