did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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